a day in ccu.

today i was posted in ccu (cardiac care unit). first time datang sini. depressing and really quiet. i can only hear the sound of the machines. (apparently hosp melaka ada 1 mesin ventilator yg bising gila mcm generator kat pasar malam :P)

i washed my hands as usual. normal procedure. just that u need to be more hygienic so that u wont introduce infections to the 'dying' patient.

me and 2 of my colleagues waited for almost half and hour until the MO in charge came. we cant do nothing much there since the patient (most of them) are unconscious. and very weak. the MO, Dr Patricia, started her ward round. she also asked us to interpret the ECG reading. and showed us CT scan of the patient.

patient had history of major heart attack and was given streptokinase. unfortunately, patient develop intracranial bleeding. 10 minutes after that, anak lelaki patient tu datang. he asked the MO about the current condition of his mom. doktor tu pon terangkan pada dia. and doktor tu cakap there's nothing we can do since the patient was so sick. if jantung patient stop again, dia tak advise for CPR since it might worsen the patient's condition.

i was listening to whatever the doctor explained to the patient's son. and soon after that, patient tried to open her eyes. his son went to the bedside of the patient. he tried to talk to the patient. the tears started dropping. seems like it'll be the last goodbye.

i almost cried. yes i know i shudnt cry. i even wonder how to be tough working in this kind of place. u tend to get emotionally involved with the patient, patient's family and all. the son asked the doctor if he can brings others to say goodbye too, the doctor agreed, but must me 2 people in one time.

i started to recall the story of my grandma. whom died because of ICB. my auntie once told me, how she tried to tell my late grandma that everyone one in the family accepted the faith. and whatever may happened, they were all letting my grandma go peacefully. the situation might be the same with what had happened today.

i started to wonder, how my working days will be like. might be stressful and full of tears. about dying people and what's the best way to save them. even hear the sound of ambulance made me scared.

oh ALLAH. kuatkan lah hati ni. help me through my journey please.. ;(